Posted in General Posts by Megan Brown on 2/6/2012
February 6th, 2012
Some things in life are clear. Where you’re from, who your family is, birthdays. What you had for dinner, what age your children are, eye color. However, I’m coming to find out that less and less is clear in life:
Who you are.
Where you’re going.
How you fit in to the bigger plan.
I’m finding that there are a million little things that are playing together to form the big picture:
What you do now.
Who you talk to.
How you act and react.
It’s scary to think the little things I do now, add up to the big person I’m meant to be. I think God has called us all to greatness. There’s a quote that goes something like:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
It’s so true. Every single person on this planet has so much potential, and there is something innately great in all of us. But we get so scared. The power of fear is as strong as death. We get convinced that we’re not good enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not talented enough. We’re not, we’re not, we’re not. I say that’s something that Satan has grabbed hold and placed in each of our hearts. He convinces us of our inadequacy, our insecurity, our inability.
Throw it to the wind
That was never God’s plan. And it breaks His heart when we believe it, but let’s be real, who lives in truth all the time? I know I don’t. I’m the absolute worst. 95% of the time I feel like Paul in Romans, “What I want to do, I do not do, and that which I wish not to do, I do.” How much easier would it be if we loosened the grips on ourselves? God gives us grace, but there’s something hard in the center of our hearts that doesn’t allow us to accept it ourselves.
I made you perfectly, with a perfect plan, perfect talents. I want you to shine, my child. Shine.
He reminds us in Matthew 5 that we were meant to SHINE like children do. You don’t set a lamp under a table, under a bushel, under anything. You hang it from the ceiling, you set it on a table, you display it. Somehow we got really messed up though. We stopped shining. We started hiding under tables, under chairs, under the covers. We were preparing for an earthquake, when really if we were to live out our talents I believe we’d find ourselves in the eye of the storm. Chaos may ensue around us, but because we are walking in the truth of who we were made to be, we surrender to peace.
I’m learning that the choice that actually looks the hardest is going to be the easiest. Recently, I’ve become resentful of my gift of leadership. I wanted so badly to just go along, instead of leading and dealing and handling everything. I didn’t want it. I asked God, Why? Then I started realizing how hard it was for me not to lead. My school leader on DTS pointed it out—leading is natural for me. Just like it’s natural for an artist to brush paint across canvas, or a major league baseball player to swing a bat. Leadership isn’t any different, as much as I wanted it to be. Truth is though; it’s much easier for me to lead, as long as I’m not holding onto resentment for it. If I just accept it, if I accept the things I’m good at, life become much easier.
It’s such a battle, accepting things we cannot change. However, in the end, it really is the easiest thing to do. God gives us all talents for a reason. He’s made us exactly the way we are for a reason….
we just need to let go of our first instinct to doubt our greatness and grab ahold of our light, our talents and the dreams that are burning in the depths of our souls, keeping in mind that in the end, we will not regret it.
Satan tries to use many and varied lies in the battle against potential, but God wants to set us free and help us all walk in truth.
What lies are keeping you from surrendering to brilliance?
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Posted in General Posts by Megan Brown on 2/4/2012
We were watching a movie about the Khmer Rouge when it started raining. We were under the shelter they deemed the “café” but we still got wet as rain dripped through the makeshift roof; but we’d learned not to let it phase us. The rain grew louder and louder, heavier with each second.
After it died down, we continued watching the movie, until our contact, Ra, came in and asked,
“Is anyone here a lifeguard? Does anyone know how to swim?”
I looked over to my friend Kayla, standing next to me. “What’s going on?”
“There are kids stuck in the pond.”
We all left the café, some running, others walking. I didn’t think it was that serious, maybe someone was just stuck in the mud.
But it seemed the whole village was there.
A little girl.
Are you sure she’s under there?
When was the last time anyone saw her?
Who can swim?
15 people were already in the murky water. You couldn’t see anything below the surface.
And then a wail.
That’s the mother.
I remember thinking, This can’t be happening. I can’t handle this.
Jesus, where are you?
God, show up.
Save this little girl, Father.
My hands started shaking, my body followed suit.
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
The air was so unsure. So tense. So Unwavering. And then a voice:
“In Jesus name I command her body to rise to the surface of the water.”
Nothing.
And then cries.
And then the little girl rising from the depths, face down, naked.
They brought her out of the water and holding her by the feet, ran across the field to try and shake the water out of her.
But it had been too long.
There was no breath.
There was no life.
JESUS WHERE ARE YOU!
I turned to my friend, crying as badly as I, “Who knows if we have come to this place for such a time as this.”
Then we started praying.
Father give her life.
You are the breath, breathe into her.
Raise this girl from the dead.
Breath life into her lungs.
In Jesus name,
In Jesus name,
In Jesus name.
But when nothing happened, I got really really angry.
How could this happen? How, Lord, can 22 missionaries be called to one village and not have this miracle happen! We were praying in faith! You did it with Lazarus, you even did it with a little girl! What about this one, Father? What about her? What about her plans for a hope and a future? Where were you? Where were you when we needed a miracle? What good can come from this? What if they think it was our presence that brought this on?
What!
What!
What!
How can I have faith in this? How can I see the good in this?
We went to the funeral, we prayed for the family, prayed for the girl, prayed for the village. We prayed and prayed and prayed but my heart wasn’t in it. I knew I should have reacted like Job, but instead I felt more like his wife, wanted only to take the good from God and not the bad.
You see, it seems that I’ve been living in this shell of protection from evil. I say God you are good! But only when I can see it. When the going gets tough though, I doubt, my faith wavers, I question. I didn’t understand, and I wanted so badly to know what God was thinking. How does good come out of so much bad? How is God good when this beautiful family just lost their beautiful little girl?
Because in my understanding, that’s not good. It isn’t good when death overtakes a village. It isn’t good when a life is cut short. It isn’t good for someone who thinks she’s strong in her faith to be consumed by doubt. To me, that isn’t good.
But then, things started changing.
We were having a worship night and someone brought light into my increasingly darkened heart.
“I just wanted to share how humbling it is that God called us here, to be in this village, to be His light and His comfort in an extremely dark situation. How humbling that God wanted us here. He knew it would be us, and this was all part of His plan.”
It seemed I just needed a perspective change.
And it was something I realized can be applied to so many other things in my life.
It’s so convenient to only take the good. It’s easy to know that God is good when He so blatantly is. It’s comfortable to even then place doubt over faith and trust. But it’s a lot harder to change your perspective.
It’s hard to accept the bad. It’s hard to believe God is good when things are falling apart. And it’s really uncomfortable to trust that God knows what He’s doing when it surpasses my human understanding.
But I think there’s a valuable lesson to be learnt here, one that God’s definitely been teaching me in the past week. And it comes straight from Job himself:
“You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (2v10)
I think it’s so easy to question God when the nitty gritty of life happens. It’s easier to ask “God where the hell are you?” Than to say, “In all my misunderstanding, my lack of knowledge, and complete humanity, I choose to trust you, Jesus, and your perfect will and plan.” Because there are a lot of things we can use to justify:
Maybe it wasn’t God’s will, but Satan’s test.
We could have gotten there faster, then this wouldn’t have happened.
Indeed, we decide, in our pride, to take the situation into our own hands. But God knows all along. There’s a poem called “The Weaver” and one of the lines says something like, “I forget He sees the upper/ And I the underside” And I think it’s so true. We too easily forget that we only see this awful, ugly, cross threaded mess, but God sees the beautiful tapestry on top. He works all things for our good, (Romans 8:28) and He uses our experiences to build our dependency on Him. Because of this I was able to fully turn to God for comfort, for answers, for innumerous questions. I was without outward communication of any kind. I couldn’t run to my mom, my best friends, food, or movies. I couldn’t numb my mind and not think about what was happening. God placed me in a position of complete surrender and dependency.
Looking back now, even though it was probably one of the hardest weeks of my entire life, I see God’s hand so clearly in it. And I know that through this suffering He has strengthened my character and has started to prepare me for things to come. I now can say that it truly is an honor to serve God in hard times and easy times. In times of pain and in times of joy. And like Job I now know how to say, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (1v21)
God uses all kinds of things to chasten us. Some things are really hard, and some things are a lot easier. Sometimes it feels like we’re climbing up a mountain for ages, and other times it seems like the valley goes on forever. Wherever we are, we must always remember, God is right there with us. That’s why one of His many names is “Immanuel.” So wherever you are today, whatever you’re feeling, whatever thoughts you’re thinking, take a deep breath and rest in the fact that God is right there with you. He knows your pain, He knows your thoughts, He knows your heart. Rest in the fact that we have an awesome God, who even in seeming darkness works all things together for our good.
"When hard times come and you're crying out to God, 'Where are you?' Remember that the teacher is always quietest during the test."
-Anonymous
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Posted in General Posts by Megan Brown on 1/19/2012
Once upon a time there was a girl. She was just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life. She graduated from high school with honors and a list of extra-curriculars to her name. She was student body president, and her family was well respected in the community. As was expected she went to the college her parents had gone too. But something started wrestling with her soul.
You don't belong here.
Truth was: she didn't, but she didn't know why.
She transferred to a larger university, hoping to get lost in the crowd and not be in a place where everyone knew everything about her. She wanted to be anonymous. She wanted to blend in. She wanted to be like everyone else. Despite her best efforts though, the voice rang in her head again...
You don't belong here.
She kept trying to belong, but everywhere she looked, she didn't. Her clothes were too bright, her mind was other places, she started longing for something bigger, something...extraordinary.
Everyone around her knew exactly what they wanted. To be a nurse. To be an actress. To be a teacher. Step by step they were walking towards their goal. She, however, was caught in a trap of indecisiveness. Satan was holding her hand. He was trying to keep her thinking that she could be like everyone else there. If she stayed around long enough she would figure out. She could have the same dreams.
Yes! She could be a nurse, or actress, or teacher! She could be whatever she wanted to be!
But, you don't belong here.
And like the sun breaking through the clouds, like a lamp illuminating the room, she started to realize it too.
I don't belong here.
And one night while she was sitting in a cabin, seeking God's will for her life she heard a still small voice, the same that came to Elijah in 1 Kings 19:11-13:
Then He said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD,
but the LORD was not in the wind;
and after the wind an earthquake,
but the LORD was not in the earthquake;
and after the earthquake a fire,
but the LORD was not in the fire;
and after the fire a still small voice.
So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle an went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him and said,
"What are you doing here, Elijah?"
Except to me, the voice said something like this:
"What are you doing here, Megan? I want you to go and make disciples of all nations. Yes, become utterly obsessed with me. Don't follow the road that's been set out before you. Follow my path. I will lead you in the way everlasting, and lo, I am with you always beloved."
She started on an adventure that made her feel alive. It brought her joy. It brought her peace. And then one day she decided to write a blog telling people about how great her God is to bring her on a journey of a lifetime. A journey that would change her life. That would make her to realize that all those years when she felt like she didn't belong, it was because she didn't. She was made to actually go into the world. To taste it, to touch it, to feel it. To have her heart broken by actual people whom she actually met, in actual countries outside of her own. To see miracles happen, to heal people, to comfort the afflicted. She was made to make a difference, if not on the whole world, but to one person, to one village, maybe to one country.
She started to realize that her life was much bigger than herself and God had actually chosen the least of these, a sinner of the worst herself to do His Kingdom work.
And then she started to realize something even bigger than that. When God was whispering to her:
You don't belong here.
He meant it in more ways than she knew.
God has set us apart from this world. He has created us to be His hands and feet and to bring His Good News to all the earth. We have been set apart to live in this world but not of this world. I believe His desire is to see us bringing the Kingdom of Heaven down to earth daily, in every way we possibly can. And praise be to God His grace covers us when we have bad days and don't feel like being all that He wants us to be. Trust me, I am the worst at this. But I'm reminded daily that Jesus came for that very reason.
I can't comprehend His love, I can't comprehend His plan, I can't comprehend this journey He's taking me on.
But I'm comforted in knowing this is exactly what God made me for, and that when I have hard days and bad days and the world gets in my face, I'm reminded:
I don't belong here.
And the Good News is, you don't either. And God has a pretty awesome story for all of us. That's why He came to redeem us. To give us life abundantly.
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
This is what my abundant life looks like. What about yours?
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Posted in General Posts by Megan Brown on 1/8/2012
To start, I'm really glad you found your way to my site! And I hope that through my words and God's amazingness you will come closer to Him along my journey. The rumors are semi-true: I'm going on a trip around the world! However, it's NOT the amazing race! It's actually BETTER than the amazing race, because not only am I travelling around the world with people that will become family to me, but I'm doing it for JESUS and because of JESUS! Really, what could even be better than that? ;)
It will start in Ireland and end in Malaysia. It will take me to Ukraine and Russia, down to Kenya, Tanzania and Mozambique. It will shuttle me over to India and Nepal, through to Cambodia and a to-be-determined country. Sounds awesome right? That's what I thought nearly two years ago when one of my friends embarked on the World Race. I love to travel, and I love Jesus. And for ages I joked about becoming a travelling missionary, then two months ago God was like, "Hey Megan? Let's make your dreams come true." Who would say no to that?!
Well, I almost did. Satan sucks doesn't he? He kept trying to convince me that I would be happier going back to college, having 2.1 kids, white pickett fence, house in suburbia. Man, I was pretty caught up in it too. I could day dream, tell you about what color the family dog was going to be. But one day God asked me what the heck I was doing, and when I could only give Him a crap answer, I realized I had been tricked by the master of lies.
Never again.
Now I'm finally writing MY VERY OWN WORLD RACE BLOG!! After weeks and hours spent reading other people's blogs and adventures and journey's. I'm not really sure if the novelty will wear off :)
I'm 20 years old, I turn 21 in March. Currently I reside in Ashmore, Queensland, Australia doing my Discipleship Training School with Youth With a Mission (YWAM). We're actually on outreach phase and will be heading for Cambodia and the Philippines in two weeks from yesterday, which I'm super stoked for! God's given me a heart for "the least of these."
There's a song, it's called "Hosanna" I'm sure anyone who's going on the race has heard it, because the second verse is pretty much (or should be at least) the anthem for all of us. But in the third verse it says "break my heart for what breaks yours" and that's what God's been doing in my heart recently. It's hard! Man, so many things break God's heart, but it's pretty cool to know that He's going to be using me to do some patch work on this planet.
God is good. Yeah. God is good :)
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